The African Union has expressed concerns that the United States is dangerously on the path to a Post Election Violence, even as the leading candidates continue to trade accusations and spur hatred. Speaking at the African Union Headquarters, the AU Heads of States said that the Two Party States of America were experiencing a worrying […]
Month: September 2020
1084 AD Prophecy Tells of 5th President of Kenya Making a Triumphant Entry into State House Riding on a Wheelbarrow
A recently discovered prophecy that dates back to 1084 AD has revealed that the next president of Kenya will have to make a triumphant entry into State House riding a on a wheelbarrow. In what could change the politics of the moment, politicians intending to get into State House will have to strategically position themselves […]
Meat Animals Think Covid-19 is a Revenge Against Humans
There have been many theories on the origin of Covid-19, but there is one theory that has not been well explored – the meat perspective. Meat animals – animals that humans consume – have argued that Covid-19 is the natures revenge for the years of systemic abuse and mass murder that human beings have had […]
Outcry as 96% of students Outgrow their School Uniform
Parents are concerned that the reopening of schools will not be feasible this year as almost all the school going children have outgrown their school uniforms. In what could be a blow to the government’s effort to reopen schools, parents said that it would be impossible to acquire huge volumes of new uniforms within a […]
Jubilee: “5 New Stadiums Would take 75 Years to Build”
The Jubilee government wants you to put on your brain and ensure that it is plugged in, before you can repeat the fake news that they promised to build five stadiums in Kenya. During the reopening of the Nyayo Stadium which had been closed for the last three years due to some minor repairs, President […]
Federation of Kenya Employers will not Recognize Virtual Graduation Ceremonies
The Federation of Kenyan Employers has warned that they will not accept any graduate who attends a virtual graduation ceremony, saying that the online ceremony produces half-baked graduates. In what turns out to be a major blow to Covid graduates, the body of employers said that true graduates are those who have attended a physical […]
Parliament Considering Abolishing the Judiciary in Favor of Council of Elders
Kenyan legislators are considering abolishing the old school colonial rooted Judiciary and replacing it with a more Afro-centric council of elders. In a quickly drafted motion that is set to go through the first reading, second reading, committee stage and third reading in a record 27 minutes, legislators said they wanted to get rid of […]
Uhuru forms a Taskforce of 30 Chemical Engineers to Guide on How to Dissolve Parliament
President Uhuru Kenyatta has responded to calls to dissolve Parliament by the Judiciary by stating that he is not aware of any solvent that can dissolve parliament. Speaking casually after reading Maraga’s letter on Social Media using his parody account, President Kenyatta warned that dissolving parliament is something beyond the ordinary Chemistry and possible solution […]
Only Two Billionaires on Planet Earth have a Six Pack
The news is both a liberation and a killjoy at the same time. For men, it is good to know that people with six packs are good at making everything else but money. For ladies, it is an existential crisis deciding whether to go for the six pack and only see money on ViuSasa, or […]
Shock as Kenya Contracts Bob the Builder to Build an Elevated Highway
The Government of Kenya has taken inclusivity to a new level after it awarded a multi-billion project to build an Expressway to Bob the Builder. The proposed Expressway in Nairobi, which will be one of the most expensive roads in Africa, will be built by the renowned general contractor who proved his skills by always […]