Billions of shillings are about to start flowing as the official campaign period for the Building Bridges Initiative kicks in later this month. While everybody will be a loser (except the politicians), it is now evident that Kalenjin and Luo communities will be the biggest casualties if things go as planned. Even before the final […]
Tag: Politics
John Pesa: “You Get the Sermon that you Pay for”
You are probably reading this from a cheap android smartphone, thinking that Father John Pesa is a category six idiot. Well, we have some news for you, because the real idiots could be you who spends 3 hours online while Father John Pesa is busy building his name (or in a language that you may […]
1084 AD Prophecy Tells of 5th President of Kenya Making a Triumphant Entry into State House Riding on a Wheelbarrow
A recently discovered prophecy that dates back to 1084 AD has revealed that the next president of Kenya will have to make a triumphant entry into State House riding a on a wheelbarrow. In what could change the politics of the moment, politicians intending to get into State House will have to strategically position themselves […]
AU Warns that Coups are very Contagious
The African Union has advised governments to be very alert following the coup in Mali, saying that such occurrences are very contagious and you never know who will be next. Speaking to African leaders at the AU Secretariat, the AU Commissioner General warned African leaders to keep their ears on the ground because you never […]
Kipchumba Murkomen to Donate all his Salary to his own Pocket
Sometimes, wisdom lies in being in the opposition, and the evidence of this is in Kenyan politician Kipchumba Murkomen. The Elgeyo Marakwet Senator who until just the other day was a kamikaze jubilee apologist has suddenly found a lot of wisdom since he joined the opposition within the government. To be fair, he had always […]
Sonko: Preexisting Cannabis Made Me Sign the Nairobi Deal
Nairobi Governor Mike Sonko is now blaming a preexisting condition that made him surrender the city to Uhuru Kenyatta. After some soul searching, the clown governor of Nairobi has realized that it was the marijuana that he smoked many years ago that influenced his decision and now he regrets both the signing and the too […]
Kalonzo Finally Relinquishes his Melon Tendencies to join Jubilee
Kalonzo Muskoka has finally come out of his melon shell to join President Kenyatta’s Jubilee coalition, but without formally denouncing the NASA pact. The decision leaves the indecisive soft-spoken political skimmer at an elevated position likely to benefit from either side of the political divide. While affirming this, Kalonzo quoted Chinua Achebe’s Arrow of God […]
‘To be an Earthly Ruler, Invest on Earth as Much as in Heaven’ – Talai Elders.
Recently, the hustler from Sugoi paid homage to the powerful Talai elders in Nandi. Known for their crucial role in anointing kings from the time of Koitalel Arap Samoei, the elders undisputedly holds the key to Statehouse. It is in the public domain that Moi, Kibaki, and now Uhuru were single-handedly installed to the throne […]
Kenyan Politician Donates Buckets to Help Constituents Bathe in a Dry River
A Member of Parliament in Kenya, last seen napping in The National Assembly, is under fire after reports emerged that he came to the aid of his constituents by donating buckets in order to avert the dangers of bathing in the river. The gesture came amid protests from the area residents decrying lack of access […]
REVEALED: TRUMP LIVING RENT-FREE IN THE HEADS OF DEMOCRATS
An anonymous source from the Trump Administration yesterday leaked information that despite having the whole of White House as well as dozens of his own residential buildings, Donald Trump was instead living rent-free in the heads of all Democrats. The source further clarified that the God-Emperor Of The United States, Donald Trump, moved into his […]